My Sisters

Any time I see a tulip, I always think of my sister Camille. The same goes for my sister Carrie and the pretty little pansies. Carrie had so many decorations in her house with pansies on them. I thought it was so cool when I saw tulips and pansies together in the Gardens at Thanksgiving Point. My two sisters together. Just as they are now.

Oh how I miss them!

Reunited and It Feels So Good!

The nutshell version:

By month 3 of Curt being gone for work in Utah, I felt like I was about to explode! The separation from their daddy was becoming really difficult for the kids (especially Luke). So we made the decision to move the kids and I up to Utah so that our family could be together again. Curt and I both felt like this was the best decision for our family. As much as I did not want to leave Arizona and all of my AMAZING friends, I knew I needed to do what was best for our family. So on March 12th, we loaded up the truck and drove to our new town home in Draper, UT.

The first month or so I was struggling but trying to remain positive and remind myself of all of the blessings I have. We are so blessed to be together as a family. We are all healthy. Curt has a job (yay!). The list goes on and on.

As I was struggling with the move, each day I was beginning to feel more and more CRAZY. When I say crazy, I mean: unable to think, focus, remember, etc etc. On top of that, I felt myself slipping further and further into a depression. It was disappointing, frustrating, and exhausting. I was put on an anti-depressant after starting Tamoxifen but felt like it was doing no good lately. After crying to Curt one night, he did some research and discovered so many women who have documented the SAME exact symptoms I have been having.....because of Tamoxifen. When he told me their symptoms, I felt VALIDATED! I knew that I really wasn't going crazy, but have been suffering from the stupid side effects of Tamoxifen like so many others.

Curt and I have discussed in the past how long I will end up taking Tamoxifen. It is supposed to be for 5 years. This June, will be my 2nd year. I put a call into my oncologist back in AZ and described how I've been feeling to her assistant. After several days of phone tag, I'm hoping to actually be able to talk to her myself and get her opinion....although she did say I might need a break from Tamoxifen or to increase my Celexa (anti-depressant). Curt and I have decided that going off of Tamoxifen (for now...or forever) is going to give me the best quality of life right now.

I haven't taken my Tamoxifen for about 6 or 7 days now and I can totally tell a difference! I no longer feel the depression and my mental fogginess is clearing! I feel happy and energetic! I am feeling like myself again and it feels GREAT!! I am still in awe at the sudden change I am feeling. Curt has noticed also :) I feel like I am already a better mom to my boys....and that means everything to me. I'm also coping with our move sooo much better. I've made some friends and am excited to live here and to make the best of it!

Some people might become a little nervous when they know that I've gone off of Tamoxifen. I am not nervous at all and I AM going to talk to my dr about it (as soon as we can connect). Curt and I both feel so good about this decision. I want to enjoy my life and what time I have left with my family here on Earth. Who knows when that will be, but I feel so strongly that things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for me and my family.