Tonight we watched Stand Up To Cancer. It was for a great cause...cancer research and finding a cure. They mentioned a lot of statistics...1 in every 2 men will get cancer...1 in every 3 women will get cancer...10,000 people are diagnosed with cancer every week.
It was neat to watch, but I'm not so sure it was a great idea to watch it with our kids in the room...mainly Luke. I think all the talk of how many people die from cancer was a little too much for him. After I tucked the two little ones in bed, I was walking back into the family room and I heard Luke asking Curt something. When he saw me come back into the room he stopped and didn't want to finish asking his question. So I went out of the room so he would feel comfortable enough to continue asking his daddy whatever questions were on his mind. I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation.
Luke: "If Mommy dies, how will I get to school and who will take care of me after school? Will I have to go to Kids Express? (a before/after school program for kids whose parents work)
Daddy: "Grandma would be able to be there and would help me take care of you."
Luke: "Grandma will be my new mommy???"
Daddy: "No. She won't. But she will help us and I would find another job that would let me be home with you more."
Aww. My heart was breaking again for this little 6 year-old who has worries that typically only us grown ups have. I did a good job holding back the tears. I didn't want my tears to upset him even more. So Luke and I hugged and snuggled for a little while. I told him that he didn't need to worry about me and that I try really hard to not be worried or scared about the cancer coming back. I told him that Heavenly Father has blessed us so much and that we should try to be grateful.
When I look at the picture of Luke and I above, it saddens me that we had absolutely no idea what sorrow the next few years would bring us. Of course, there has been much happiness too!
Luke, Ty, and Jake have all been brought to our family at such important times. My boys have given me so much strength, joy, and love that I have needed to get me through many difficult times. Luke had just turned 2 when my mom died and having him to take care of after mom's death got me out of bed each morning. I was also a few weeks pregnant with Ty and the excitement of anticipating a new baby and knowing that I needed to take care of my body also kept me going. And of course, there's my "baby" Jake. My baby who was the only one that I nursed and am so glad I stuck with it! He has brought so many smiles and much happiness into our home during my cancer journey.
So maybe that picture above is really demonstrating me and Luke getting our "game faces" on and trying to get geared up for where life was going to take us.
4 comments:
Luke is so sweet. He will grow up having a greater appreciation for you and for all you did to fight to be here with him and his brothers. They are lucky to have you as their mom.
CHAR!!!
Aauugghh! I am so happy to have finally seen your blog! Kel kept telling me it was in her blog roll, but I couldn't get it to work, so I clicked on your name in her comment box (DUH!) and there you were!!!
to say the least, I was really bummed when she blogged that you had cancer, especially with everything I remember you going through with your mom and sister. I'm so glad to see that you're doing better! and I'm thrilled that your auction went so well.
btw, your boys are gorgeous!
and, i'm definitely inspired by your yard and garage achievements! ;o) I'm working on organizing and cleaning out my house too.
Anyway, sorry for the random, LONG comment, but it is just so great to get a glimpse of you! and I think you should be proud of your growing hair!! :oD
Brought tears to my eyes. So much for such a little guy to worry about.
{{hugs}} You're doing awesome and they are such lucky boys!!
I love Luke's tender little spirit. He is a special boy, and I think you guys have done an amazing job being real enough with him that he feels safe asking questions. Not too many kids have experiences at his age that promote the growth of their testimonies the way this has for him. You and Curt are awesome parents...I just admire you SO much!
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