Re-cap (WARNING: it's a long one!)

From the beginning...

I nursed Jake until he was about 7 months old. It was about 2 months or so later that I noticed a firm mass on my left breast. I wasn't quite sure if it was my imagination, or if maybe it was due to the fact that I had recently stopped breastfeeding my baby. I hadn't nursed my first two boys, so I didn't really have any experience on the possible breast changes post-breastfeeding.

I didn't really think much of this "area" on my breast until one of my close friends out here told me about her sister-in-law Amy. Erica's SIL had just been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 29. She is a mother to 3 little girls and had NO family history of breast cancer. This news hit me hard. Amy is my exact age, but I DO have a family history of breast cancer. It was because of Amy and her recent diagnosis that I felt the need to call my doctor.

I hadn't mentioned anything about the lump to Curt until around the time that I found out about Amy. I honestly kept forgetting to tell him...I wasn't intentionally keeping it from him. So one night I told Curt about my lump/mass. He could feel it, too. And that's when I freaked! He had validated my fears. It wasn't my imagination after all. I cried a lot that night because I kept thinking about my little boys, Curt, my mom, my sister Carrie, and the rest of my family. I know all to well about the routine....tests.....waiting game.....diagnosis.....waiting game.....treatment and/or surgery...etc.

The next morning I called my OB/GYN Dr. Layton (whom I adore) and he was willing to send the orders for both a mammogram and ultrasound without seeing me first. Of course, scheduling the stupid tests was frustrating. I waited 9 LONG days to get in to have my tests done. Never mind the fact that I was about to have a nervous breakdown! Another week and a half went by before I got a call with my results.

My results....NORMAL

Luckily, Dr. Layton had given me the name and phone number of a surgeon and he wanted me to call this surgeon regardless of test results. Even if they came back normal, he wanted me to call this surgeon for a possible biopsy. Dr. Layton has delivered my last two babies and treated me throughout my pregnancy with Ty....which was during the time of my mom's death. He said he knew that I had been through some difficult times with my mom's and my sister's death. He didn't want me to have to live my life in fear...always wondering...so thought it would be best to put my mind at ease.

About 2 weeks later, I set up an appointment to see the surgeon Dr. Schuster. At the appointment (Nov. 26th), I was expecting just a consultation, but Dr. Schuster decided that, given my family history, he needed to do a biopsy there in the office. I was relieved to hear that he was going to biopsy it.

Over the next few days I didn't really think much about it. I kept telling myself that this was one time that I wasn't going to get all worked up over nothing. And then the phone call came. On December 3rd, 7 days after my biopsy was taken, Dr. Schuster himself called me at home. "I have the pathology report from your biopsy.....and unfortunately....it's not good. It's cancer and we're going to need to do surgery as soon as possible...". I tried to keep my composure, but it was tough because I was SO SHOCKED. My mammo/ultrasound were NORMAL! I called Curt and he immediately left work to be with me at home. As all of this was going on, I kept looking at my little boys' faces. My heart was breaking at the thought of them losing their mommy.

As days past, I was able to feel more and more peace. I felt such a strong desire to learn and grow as much as I could from this experience. I know that no matter what the outcome is, my family and I will be fine. I am living proof that life does go on...even though it can be extremely difficult at times. The day my dad called me and informed me of my mom's cancer diagnosis, I felt like my world was crashing down around me. I couldn't imagine living life without my mom, but I am now. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today, if I hadn't have gone through the trials I've been face with. I also think about how my cancer journey might be teaching my boys and helping mold them into the men that their Father in Heaven wants them to be.

I opted for a double mastectomy and was referred to a wonderful plastic surgeon named Dr. Boll. After consulting with her, Curt and I both felt that the Tram-flap procedure would be the best way to go. (you can Google it. Basically, I got a boob job and tummy tuck!) My surgery was on December 18th, which happened to be Curt's 29th birthday. He and my father in law sat in the waiting room during my 11 hour surgery. The reconstruction was done at the same time and I am so happy to have had it done that way.

Results of the surgery...StageII B breast cancer, 2 lymph nodes out of 12 were positive, the tissue from the right breast was completely clear of any cancer.

Recovery wasn't too difficult. The hardest part was not being able to hold or pick up my kids. I had to wait 6 weeks until I could lift.

While meeting with Dr. Chang, the oncologist, we found out that I was going to start chemo on January 24th. I go in once every 3 weeks until mid-June. No radiation, but I will lose my hair and that scares me. I've always had a massive amount of hair on my head so I cannot even fathom what it's like to not have any at all! I was able to get a really cute wig, though through the American Cancer Society (thanks to Amy!). Erica's SIL Amy has been so sweet to me. We have talked on the phone a couple of times and Amy is always full of advice and tips. It has been great to be able to talk to her and to feel a bond with her.

Jan 24th...Chemo1...Not really any nausea. Basically body aches off and on, some head aches, and fatigue.

Chemo#2 is scheduled for February 14th. Happy Valentine's Day to us! At least Curt will be sitting in the chemo room with me. Maybe we'll share the ear buds to the iPod and listen to love songs!