I had one of those days last Thursday night. Curt and I were having a conversation after the kids were in bed (poor guy didn't know what he was in for!). Apparently, all of my supressed emotions needed to show their ugly heads.
I had been feeling a bit down for the last little while and thought I had a handle on things. Or at least that's what I kept trying to tell myself. I didn't realize until Thursday night just how frazzled my nerves were. I finally admitted to Curt, and to my self, that I was exhausted...physically, mentally...just plum worn out.
I have a habit of keeping things to myself. I'm not the best at saying "I'm having a hard day" or "I am feeling" this way or that. It's hard for me. But, eventually it all needs to come out!
When I finally stopped to think about how I've been feeling, I remembered reading that depression is one of the possible side effects of Tamoxifen. I have felt exactly like I did in the past when battling depression....wanting to sleep all of the time (which is so not like me), inability to focus or collect my thoughts, crying at the drop of a hat, anxiety/panic feelings, anger one minute...crying the next, etc. etc.
So, with all of those lovely things I've been feeling lately, I decided (with some prodding from my dear hubby) that something needed to be done. I talked with 2 of my doctors today and it was decided to put me on Effexor. I took it once before about 3 years ago, and I had good results then. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is only temporary. Anyone who knows me well knows that I HATE taking medication for anything. I usually suffer through headaches because I don't want to take anything for it! It's stupid, I know. I guess maybe it's the stubborn nurse in me?? Who knows.
I just thought this little tidbit needed to be shared!
8 comments:
Hi, I was browsing blogs one day and came across yours.
Though I can't relate to what you are going through, I just wanted to tell you to keep up your spirits and my thoughts are with you during this hard time.
I was unsure if I should comment but thought maybe you'd appreciate that your blog has touched me, and most likely others.
I really hate hearing that. We all have our breaking point. You've lasted a lot longer than most people would have. Keep your spirits up and take a few of those pills. Sometimes we need a little help and so what if it comes in the form of a pill.
God made medication for a reason...take the happy pills and don't feel one bit guilty over it! You have treated every other part of your cancer with meds; this is no different. I am so proud of you that you can admit you need help. That is more Superwoman than anything!!!! Love you!
You are allowed bad days....many, many bad days. I'm afraid you probably haven't taken your share of them through all of this...I may have been taking more than my share lately!! You are a brave girl and we're proud of you.
I have taken that one as well and it really worked for me. I don't think there is anything to take for my mouth though. Good luck you are still my inspiration and it is good to let it all out sometimes. Usually I yell and scream but talking works too.
Our poor husbands...depressed or not, I think they all find us curled up on the closet floor from time to time, sobbing our eyes out for no good reason! My sister in law says she does it about twice a year...and she's one of the happiest people I know! Dave just knows to take the kids away from me and go in the other room...let me "get it out"! Amazing what a good cry does! If you ever need to just get out and go for a walk, please call and bring your boys by to play! Love ya!
You are superwoman! You have been so amazing through this whole thing. Just know that you have many friends and family that are thinking about you. Do whatever you have to do to feel better. You have so much on your plate and if it works than go for it!
Glad to know that you are normal like the rest of us and cry too! I'm glad to see although you are superwoman for going through all this, you are human like the rest of us! You are brave...hang in there!
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