It was actually one year ago yesterday, that I got the phone call from my surgeon Dr. Schuster. I was caught totally off guard and couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that I HAD CANCER.
Me. Cancer.
I was pretty freaked out, to say the least. I was scared of the unknown...not knowing if the cancer had spread anywhere else....not knowing how much more time I would have to be a mother to my boys....scared to death of having to go through chemo after seeing my mom and sister get so sick from it...thinking that if I died, Luke would be the only one of my sons who would remember me. Broke. My. Heart.
So many thoughts flooded my mind. My main concern was for my little boys. Luke, who knew that his Noma and Aunt Carrie had died from cancer...Ty, who had no clue what was going on... and my baby Jake, who was only 14 months old at the time. I couldn't hold my baby (or any of my boys) for 6 weeks after my surgery. That was tough, but thank goodness, it was only temporary.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many good people in my life. People from my ward (church), my friends, neighbors....everyone pitched in and took such good care of me and my family. I can honestly say that my cancer journey has taught me so much. I have seen charity at its finest. So much has been done for me and my family. I can't even begin to name each and every act of kindness and I couldn't possibly thank people enough.
This experience has been life altering.....but in a good way. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, but at the same time, I don't know how else I would have become the person I am today. Each experience or trial in my life has taught me something. This one is no different. I had to search for the "positive's" some days, especially the days when I felt like poo.
It makes me happy and extremely grateful to be sitting here, enjoying my family, ONE YEAR LATER! I would be lying if I said I don't worry from time to time....wondering how long it will be before the cancer comes back. My hope is to be able to raise our boys and to grow old with my Curty (that's what my mom liked to call him).
4 comments:
The 18th will be one year since your masectomy, one day after your reconstruction will be complete!!! Unbelievable how things have changed huh? We all are so happy for you and so glad your journey one year later is an easier road.
Congrats!!! I bet you are looking forward to 2009! I am so happy things are going better for you and your family!
Wow - what a difference a year can make! You look incredible and have taught everyone so much by your example! Congratulations on your anniversary!
time flies when you're doin' chemo! soon this will all be a distant memory {but not too distant that you'll forget. you never forget, which is a good thing}. i'm so glad things continue to go well!
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