With today being Mother's Day, my mind is filled with so many thoughts. This is a day of happiness and gratitude for me. And also a day of sadness.
I am so happy beyond description that Curt and I have been blessed with 3 beautiful healthy boys. My biggest dream as a little girl was to be a mom. I couldn't wait to have babies. Although challenging and frustrating at times, motherhood has changed me completely. I never knew I could experience emotions like this. From the PRIDE that I feel for Luke when he overcomes a challenge do to his Asperger's...to the heart wrenching PAIN I felt for Ty when we thought he broke his nose after hitting the corner of the entertainment center...to the JOY I feel when Jake looks up at me and smiles his big buck-tooth smile. I am so grateful for my boys and that I have been chosen to be their mom. They bring so much meaning and fulfilment into my life. I hope and pray that I can be around for them for many more years to come.
My thoughts are also with the other women in our family. Marla (my MIL), Debbie (my step mom), my Grandma Ruth, Curt's grandma Sharleen, Ashlie who lost her mom 3 years ago......and so many others.
And, of course, my mom is always in my thoughts. Today is no different. I try really hard to not let my mind tell me that I'm missing out. Having to deal with my mom's illness, death, and the task of my life moving forward without her has made me a stronger person. My testimony of the Gospel, of my Savior, and of eternal families has grown by leaps and bounds. My relationship with Curt has grown because I have learned to turn to him, and rely on him for strength. I am grateful for the example that my mom set for me, as a wife...mother...sister...friend...neighbor...and daughter of God. She is my hero and exemplified every meaning and description of the word. I hope to be just like her when I grow up.
One thing that I have done to help me get through my difficult times, is to look around me and be aware that there are people out there whose suffering is greater than mine. As I was getting online today, I saw the headlines about the death and destruction caused by tornadoes in Oklahoma, Missouri, and other states. I was, at the time, feeling a little sad for myself because I was missing my mom. But as soon as I read about those people who have lost their homes, loved ones, etc....I was again reminded of how blessed I am. I cannot imagine what those people are experiencing. How would it feel to have my home ripped apart, and possibly lose family members to death in a matter of seconds?? And on Mother's Day??
Yes, it was difficult to watch my mom and sisters suffer with their illnesses. Yes, it was even more difficult to watch my mom and sister pass away. BUT, how grateful I am that I was able to tell them how much I love them...how proud I was of them...that I would be okay and to not worry about me...and to thank them for all that they had done for me BEFORE they died. These are the thoughts that I have had over the course of 4+ years. It also helps take the focus off of "me" and has helped pull me through some very dark times.
My advice is for everyone to just stop...and look around. Look for those who may be struggling or suffering in any way. Realize what blessings you have been given. Maybe it will help us want to reach out more to others and do what we can to lighten their burden.
AND, this, my friends, is my new "do"!! Tricia with the American Cancer Society told me to keep my old one, too, just in case I'm not happy with this one. She's so nice! I really like this wig because I can pull it back into a pony tail, straighten it, curl it, etc. etc. The possibilities are ENDLESS! It's a little poofy and froo froo for me, but it's a nice change. Monda said I looked like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. If only I had the voice (and body) to go with it!!
